wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
