Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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