Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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