I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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