btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
