U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
