Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
