who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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