I wanna passion pit in your ass
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
