Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
