If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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