that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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