her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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