I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
