I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
honey bunches of taint.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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