no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
