break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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