Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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