She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
