..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
