Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
