Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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