Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
