I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
