Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
