my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
