I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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