...so i touched it.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
