Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
