Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
