Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
