evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
