He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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