i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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