How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
