he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
