Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
