I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
