I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
