She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
