If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
