i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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