in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
