Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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