I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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