remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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