I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
