I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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