Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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