I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
