I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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