apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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