Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
