Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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